SUPPORTING AN ABUSED PERSON

What to do when you think someone you know is being physically or mentally abused?
This is a four-part series-  
If your friend begins to talk about the abuse:

• Just Listen. Listening can be one of the best ways to help. Don’t imagine you will be the one person to “save” your friend. Instead, recognize that it takes a lot of strength and courage to live with an abusive partner, and understand your role as a support person, rather than “fixer” or “expert.”
• Keep it Confidential. Don’t tell other people that they may not want or be ready to tell. If there is a direct threat of violence, tell them that you both need to tell someone right away, and call either the helpline or 911 in an emergency.
• Provide Information, Not Advice. Give them the phone number to the Illinois Domestic Violence helpline (877.863-6338) or to the local helpline at WINGS (847-221-5680). Be careful about giving advice. They know best how to judge the risks they face.
• Be There and Be Patient. Coping with abuse takes time. Your friend may not do what you expect them to do when you expect them to do it. If you think it is your responsibility to fix the problems, you may end up feeling frustrated. Instead, focus on building trust, and remember that your friend is the one who will have to live with the consequences of the decision-making, and is doing their best to manage those risks in a complex situation.
• Do Not Confront the Abuser. This could be extremely dangerous.
• Do Not Suggest Marriage Counseling. Generally, in abuse cases marriage counseling does not work and can sometimes cause more harm to the abused.

Remember—if you are worried about someone you know, or if you have questions about behaviors that seems concerning, call the helpline:  877-863-6338. An advocate can talk to you about your concerns and can help you decide what to do next.
 
Source: www.mcedv.org  How Can I Help A Friend – Brought to you by St. Hubert DV Outreach Ministry